I’m a somatic sex and relationship coach. If you’re like most people, you are probably wondering, “What the hell is that?” You’ve come to the right place. In this article, I’ll describe my somatic sex and relationship coaching practice, go over some of the main issues and goals my clients come to me with, and help you determine if this kind of coaching might be supportive for you!
Broadly, I help people develop deep and fulfilling connections with themselves and others. I coach my clients through experiences that help them break through shame and feel more confident in their intimate, sexual, and dating lives, discover what they really want romantically and sexually, and gain the skills that they need to get exactly what they want.
Let’s dig into each term and what it means for me and my practice of sex and relationship coaching.
Coaching:
As a coach, I walk alongside my client on their journey. We cultivate an “intimacy lab” in our sessions together in which we develop a real, authentic intimate connection. Within this lab, I give my clients real-time feedback on how they navigate intimate encounters and lead them through personalized experiential practices to help them gain the awarenesses, skills, and embodied knowledges that will help them create the relationships and experiences they really want in their own lives.
Unlike in traditional therapy in which the therapist bestows wisdom or guidance upon the patient in a one-way relationship, the coaching relationship my clients and I create goes both ways. Sex therapists usually help their patients overcome sexual dysfunction or an other problem, getting them to an acceptable baseline. This is so important, especially for people working through deep trauma. Coaching isn’t exactly a replacement for therapy. In some circumstances, coaching and therapy can work well together. Many people are in a place in which therapy isn’t helpful and coaching is more suited to their needs. They’ve worked through debilitating trauma and are ready to move beyond “acceptable and instead experience “fantastic,” “mind-blowing,” and “cosmic” intimacy they might not have thought possible.
Why see a somatic sex and relationship coach rather than a life coach? There are a lot of skilled life coaches out there that can help you achieve your goals, especially if you know what you want. Unfortunately, when it comes to sex and relationships, a lot of people don’t know what their options really are, and often have a vague sense at best of what they really want. As a coach who specializes in sex and relationships, I help my clients understand and break down the limiting social beliefs around sex, relationships, and intimacy that they carry and fully own and embrace their desires. Very few coaches have the expertise in sexuality and intimacy to support their clients on this journey of self-discovery and intimate connection.
Sex:
I am trained to support my clients in all aspects of sexual desire and intimacy. With a deep understanding of shame, trauma, and sexual desire, I can help my clients get in touch with and understand their sexual desires, what has been blocking them from having the sex they really want, and how to overcome those blocks. I am an expert in the range of sexual orientations and desires, including bisexuality, non-monogamy, kink, and fetish, and embrace the full range of sexual diversity that my clients experience without judgement. I help my clients raise their erotic intelligence, develop sexual skills, and explore their desires.
Relationship:
All of our relationships–particularly our intimate ones–are supported when we are resourced and self-aware. To this end, I support my clients in developing emotional intelligence so that they can communicate their needs, hear those of their partner(s) and other intimate connections, express love, and navigate conflict with ease and grace. We attune and tend to the full relationship ecosystem necessary for the individual to flourish, getting clear on how each person needs different types of intimacy (some sexual, some not) that they get from different types of relationships. The skills and awarenesses that we cultivate in the relationship lab improve all of these relationships.
Somatic:
Somatic means “of the body,” and refers to a holistic understanding of the body and its systems, rather than a particular part of the body. The body speaks to us in many ways, big and small. We just need to learn to listen. My approach to sex and relationship coaching is centered on the body/mind as a unified entity in which the body is affected by the thoughts of the mind, and vice versa. By diving into the wisdom of the body, we uncover deep levels of desire and can break through structures and blockages that would otherwise go unnoticed.
Why would I see a somatic sex and relationship coach?
Reason #1: I want to improve my sex life.
For example:
- I have low desire/low libido,
- There is a mismatch of libidos, erotic styles, or needs/desires in my relationship.
- I want more confidence in dating.
- I don’t know what I want!
- I know what I want, but I don’t know how to get it!
- I want to explore new aspects of my sexuality.
Reason #2: I want to cultivate more self-knowledge and embodiment.
- I want to feel more connected to my body and emotions.
- I want to learn to regulate my nervous system, especially in conflict and distress.
- I want to explore my emotions and work through energetic and emotional blockages.
Reason #3: I want to improve my relationships.
- I want to open my relationship but I don’t know how to bring it up with my partner.
- My partner and I want to open up our relationship, but we don’t know how, or are facing difficulties navigating the relationship now.
- I’ve opened my relationship and I want support.
- I want to break dysfunctional patterns and habits in my relationships.
- I feel stuck in my relationship.
- I want support in navigating a conflict with my partner.
Awesome blog article. Much thanks again. Much obliged. Rona Angus Lindholm